Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So vagazzling was a success
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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