Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
