Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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