I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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