Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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