do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
