I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
