I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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