You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
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Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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