Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
