so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
