Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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