There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
