Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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