My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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