He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
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I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
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Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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