Three words: puerto rican gang bang
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
