I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Randomize
