I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It's just like the Real World with babies
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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