I think I won the penis lottery.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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