they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
