remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
