sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
