I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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