Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
