I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
