I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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