I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
