And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
this boner is exhausting
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
