I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just pynch a tree in the face
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
