): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
