After last night, I could never be a politician.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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