Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize