I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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