i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
