He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she peed on how many people?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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