my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
