So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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