Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize