well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I FOUND THE LEGS
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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