your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
