So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
