life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
