I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Panties = found
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
