Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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