dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
