Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
