How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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