Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
