smell my finger.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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