It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
