Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
