Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
