dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
