well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
