her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
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MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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