I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
