too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
