Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
