I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
