I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
A bitchslap is in order.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
