Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I take back everything I said about communal showers
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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