i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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