I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
