Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
