Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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