my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
