fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
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He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
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You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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