normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
