that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize