I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
