What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
