It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
