Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have aggressive nipples.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
